Overwhelmed

Fair warning: This is going to be a "GET REAL" post!!

So, many of you who follow me on Twitter or Facebook know that I have taken on a J.O.B part time with a Private Preschool here it the Austin/Round Rock area. I am substituting 3-4 days a week. Let me start from the beginning....

About 2 weeks ago, I began putting in applications around town for a teaching position or childcare position of some kind. After meeting with a mortgage planner, we figured we needed to have some supplemental income to help us get the down payment we need to buy a house as well as help to fix our credit from when Gabe lost his job several years back. So, I started putting in applications. I went for an interview at the Preschool where they hired me as a part time sub right on the spot...I began orientation the next day, it was HORRIBLE. I left the children in the preschool that is right across from our apt and headed ACROSS town. I CRIED the whole way to orientation and then throughout. It was rough. Perryn and Teagan did fine....

I worked ALL day Wed and Thursday, we went to Giddings for Food Pantry on Friday, stayed the night because I was way too tired to drive home. Hung out at home on Sunday, but still had to run to the grocery store and do the house cleaning. I worked ALL day yesterday, half a day today, I'm off tomorrow, working ALL day Thurs and Fri this week.

I am debating about going FULL time because I love the 'idea' of my own class; however, I've got a good deal going right now, where I only pay $5 per child per day for preschool. IF I go full time, then I would have to pay tuition which in turn would be around $1100 for both kids...yikes. I have turned into a single parent on the days that I work because we are up and gone first thing in the morning and Gabe gets home after we are all in bed. We get to see him on the weekends ONLY. For the SECOND week in a row, I do not have my Bible study lesson completed!! I am beginning to fall behind on my card orders as well....

I know that this is all coming across as whining and complaining, and maybe that's what it is, but this is hard. God asked me to give Him everything and when I do, it all seems to fall apart. I HATE not having control. I am not sure if I am going to need to give up my Bible study or not, but I know that if I can't keep up then I need to give my spot to someone else who can....I am getting home late and I am so tired that I can't get any work done on my cards, but Gabe is being a hero and supportive and helping me out on that as much as he can.

The kids seem to be doing ok with the adjustment. Perryn tells me she doesn't like school because they make her lay down and rest for 2 hours...HOWEVER, when she falls asleep, then she has a VERY HARD time going to sleep at bedtime...(she's still awake at 11pm). She is writing more words at school on paper, and Teagan came home for the second day in a row with the SAME pants on!! We are all just really very tired. I am struggling with disciplining since I have been gone all day, I don't want to be grumpy when I am home with them...it's a battle within me and with them...I don't want them to lose the respect and what we work on with being obedient with us.

To top ALL things off, we are moving in less than 45 days, and I haven't even begun to pack!!! Please just pray for us and the transition that we are currently in, pray for guidance as to what I need to do about my Bible Study, please pray that I don't lose what I have accomplished so far with my Card Business. Please pray that I continue to let God be in control and not me. Thanks so much for listening....I feel better being able to get everything 'off my chest'.